Monday, November 19, 2007

:: first day ::

Had another awesome 6am this morning. God spoke to me about certain things, whether or not i'm making the right decision on interning in GE rather than be part of CC in its crucial months. Hehehehe. But i believe that He's placing me there for a reason, for a purpose that i pray will come to pass soon enough.

Will let you guys know of the coming testimonies! :D

Got an email this morning that sort of confirmed what i prayed about this morning. God works in amazing ways. And He's hi-tech too ;)

"Faith is the ability to NOT panic." If you worry, you didn't pray. If you prayed, don't worry.

I'll be fine. *preaches to self* Off i go on my first day as an intern! Pray with me ;)

Saturday, November 17, 2007

:: rest ::

"My burden is light, my yoke is easy." - God.

Stress is inevitable. That's what i found out. Especially when things don't go the way it was planned, or the way you want it to, at the time you want it to, even.

I realised that planning for Unplugged. I had an awesome team, i did. But like i said, stress was inevitable. There were so many what if's and hows, and "oh-man's". But during prayer BEFORE the event, i sat in a corner of the sound room and prayed. I surrendered and submitted.

I upholded. This wasn't my event. It was His.

I was afraid the deco would look funny, it being so random. But i loved it in the end coz we're campus students, dood. Random IS us. To the deco team, and everyone else who helped out, you guys poured in your time and strength. Thank you :)

I was afraid the performances were too last minute. They were all great. I appreciated every single performer. Famous or not. "You guys made my day." :)

I was afraid the food wouldn't be finished or too messy to be eaten. They were gone in 15 minutes. All i had was one piece of creamy mushroom bruschetta. *laughs* To the hospitality team, you guys outdone yourselves. Thank you :)

I was afraid the program wouldn't flow. Staying up doing a clear running list with Tracy till 2am, and continuing to pray over it after, was interesting. Especially when i was up and about at 7am to prepare to worship-lead in Segi College. Last minute changes with changing performances, MC's getting carried away, (you guys get my drift), but everything fell into place. We were only 15 minutes behind time. Quite an achievement for me, i think.

I was afraid of people leaving when Ps Kenneth went up. I was even more afraid when he said he was gonna speak on trusting God. The unexpected-ness of it being so point-blank evangelical threw me off balance. But who am i to judge? God certainly had to deal with me being so faithless when it comes to His work.

"Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, and lean not on YOUR own understanding; in all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." - Proverbs 3:5-6

7 decisions were made for God last night. S.E.V.E.N. I had 7 pieces of vegetables to repent.

The thought of me being so afraid when God was in control was so laughable that during dinner (at 12-ish in the morning), i just had to smile to myself and give thanks to God. I didn't even mind the veggies that much.

There's so much more to life. We were meant to live for so much more. I was meant to live for so much more. And i had to kick myself to sink the fact that everything went as well as it possibly could. All this, with a great team, leaders and God supporting me. Word of the day : "When things are overwhelming, the Lord is my support." - Psalm 18

I spent the day resting at home. Deciding against Stardust. I took 2 hours to just sit and adore the God whom i serve, and would love to serve all the days of my life. I took the time just, "resting". Singing "Child" over and over again.

What's more...my friends, whom i dearly care about, got to see what i do. Why i may not have that much time to spend with them as of late. Thank you Adeline, Chester, ChoongYang, Justine and MelB, for sparing the time :) I hope you guys enjoyed yourselves, much. It was a great comfort just having you guys there.

Don't doubt, Ellie. It gets you nowhere.

Who else is Lord, if not God? I trust You.

I've got a song to write :)

Monday, November 12, 2007

:: running back to You ::

It's good to be alive, isn't it?

I just had my perspectives changed this morning. No longer will i be confused or conflicted.

I'm just gonna practice in doing things right. And i know i'll get where i want to be someday. God helping me, i can and i will :)

Can't keep on running away from You
Can't go on living this lie i'm in
I'm letting it all go and i'm turning around
I hear You calling me
So i'm running back to You.

Now, what with new perspectives, and refreshed minds and hearts, where IS my sunshiney mornings? Hrms. Lols!

Saturday, November 10, 2007

:: could i ask for more? ::

"It may be possible to do without dancing entirely. Instances have been known of young people passing many, many months successively, without being to any ball of any description, and no material injury to accrue either to body or mind; but when a beginning is made--when the felicities of rapid motion have once been, though slightly, felt--it must be a very heavy set that does not ask for more."

Emma, Jane Austen

Replace dancing with something you desire. Figuratively. You can get used to not have something. But it takes a lot to not keep wanting what you do not have. Especially when you've had that particular something for awhile.

Mr Thought, you're bothering me with things i shouldn't be bothered about. Focus, Ellie, focus.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

:: why so emo ::

Hehehehehe. I'm not really emo. I've just been listening to emo songs. Like, early 80's-90's emo songs. Hmm. I actually wrote out a nice long entry and then, firefox had to crash. Boos. McFuji has a virus. Poor baby.
______________________________________________________

I am SO bored. Like, seriously. Now that i don't have to study anymore till well, next Feb, i actually feel lost. Even the prospects of holding Unplugged doesn't make me *feel* busy. Nyehs.

There's nothing to watch on TV. There's nothing to do at home but housework and learning how to cook. Again. I haven't done any movie-watching OR rock-climbing OR mamak-ing OR anything, really. I don't even have the mood to read my delicious collection of new books that i was looking forward to get started on. Note the "was" in that sentence. Heh.

What are you guys all up to?

I miss having long conversations with someone. It seems that i've been deprived of entertaining conversations. And Justine's buggered off to Europe already. *sadface*

The most spontaneous thing i've done in the past 3 days was to drive down to Bangsar with CY, Addy and Justine. We had nothing better to do. And i rarely go Bangsar. So they were doing me a favour. Note : it was my 2nd time in Bangsar. =.="

Anyways, when we arrived, we decided to have a drink at this bar/bistro place where a man came up to us to sell peacock feathers. Apparently, peacock feathers is very effective in scaring lizards away. *solemnly*

*bursts out laughing*

I'm serious.

*laughs again*

Yeah. That's the most spontaneous thing i've done in the past 3 days.

AND Y'KNOW WHAT????? I haven't watched Stardust yet. And so many people has already!! *whine* The *old* people and the *young-er* people from Acts has already gone. Jeles.

Oh wells. I'll catch it one of these days. This is one random post. I obviously have no mood to blog either :D

Happy Deepavali, everyone. Have a murukku. *grin*

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

:: how to save a life ::

This song has been in my head for awhile since i heard it in ChoongYang's car 2 nights ago. I wonder why.

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life.

-The Fray-

I wish i could take it back.

It's just one of the days where you feel things should be so much better, but it isn't. Not really, anyway. And you realise you try so hard to make things right again, but it always seem to blow up in your face. I refuse to feel sorry for myself.

"When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." Proverbs 10:19

You can't overcrow me, Mr Thought.

Friday, November 2, 2007

:: going on strong ::

Well, somewhat. Lols.

3 down, 1 more to go. 2 of my papers were *okay-lah*, but treasury today was realllyyyyy bad. Wasn't surprised since i couldn't even finish studying.

I just don't want to fail it. That's all i ask. In Jesus' name, amen.

On a brighter note, it's my 5th 6am morning! It felt good the past 4 days, but today was extra tiring for me. Shall sleep early tonight.

I miss bright sunny mornings. I've been thinking of them so often that i've started praying for them. Haven't seen them yet but i believe they'll come.

You know those mornings, don't you?

The kind where if you were standing under a tree, the sun makes patches of gold where the leaves part. The ones where its bright enough, but not hot. The ones that just give you a a thrill and happy spasms. The ones that could *almost* convince you to live outside forever.

No?

Well, i miss them.