Monday, May 19, 2008

:: here's to a new season ::

Hey peeps :)

I've moved.

Here's to a new season. *cheers*

In case you didn't get it : http://elliechua.wordpress.com

See you there!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

:: eye-opening ::

OA was brilliant.

I'm exhausted, but happily so :)

Highlights :
#1. The 3.5 hour hike in was no joke. The 3 hour hike out was better. Somewhat. But still not a joke. *predicts that Ellie will be bedridden in the morning*
#2. It was fun sleeping in the hut. Even if i *did* wake up multiple times to yelping dogs, crowing roosters and the fact that the hut moved everytime someone walked/sat/stood up.
#3. OA services are awesome. The worship especially :)
#4. Preaching in front of people you don't know, in a language you only used back in your hometown, plus KIDS running all over the place, was very interesting.
#5. Bathing in the river is not my cup of tea. It was a hair-standing experience. Lol. I was the only one who came out *bright* pink from head to toe.
#6. Baby "lurs" (wildboar) run kids over. Literally.
#7. My little brown boy. Ah, i miss that cute little fat face. He's unsaved. Will have to keep praying for him :)
#8. OA kids have the shortest attention span ever. I am no match for them.
#9. I didn't get to cook for OA. But we sure had good food :D Mah Ling rocks.
#10. A great team :) Ah, the funny moments will definitely be cherished. "What happens in OA, stays in OA....for awhile." ;)
#11. I pooped under the stars :D After half an hour of choosing the *perfect* spot.

Last but not least...

#12. I miss it already :(

Elder Joy was right. You'll always feel a lil' bit of something when you leave OA to the normal routine of *life*. I had to jump straight into assignments. Which, i can't put it in any other way but "sucks".

It was nice tho...living without having a phone beeping. Or a watch to tell you what time it is. It was nice being away from the lappie. It was nice...taking it slow.

I think i speak for every other OA team and my own when i say that it's an experience worth going for. Worth every cent, sweat and energy. And sleep too (considering how i was rushing my assignments before going).

Bottomline : I'd go again :)

Thursday, May 15, 2008

:: excitings ::

I'm so excited. I am! I am! I am! *bounces*

Wheeeeee!!!! Ellie's going for OA!!!! *beams*

Shucks. I'm so excited sampai tak boleh tidur. Macam mana laaaaaa....

*grins*

*heads to bed and dreams of chasing wildboars*

***************************************************
To the rest of you city people, be goods now! ;)
...and do pray for the team who's going out. Elder Joy, Lucas, BenJi, Eunice, Yvonne and i! We need your prayers ;) Thank you!

:: mulling over ::

3 down, 1 more to go. Oh, and one presentation on Tuesday too.

I got so caught up with the busy-ness of assignments, i didn't even get the opportunity to get excited for OA. Sure, it was somewhere in the back of my head, but this was/is something that i've looked forward to since....the beginning of last year!

Then, i was planning my schedule to go for OA in a time that was *convenient* for me to go.

How ironic it is that i'm now going at a time where i'm most bogged down in the semester. *smirks*

Ah, God. Your thoughts and Your ways are definitely higher than mine. I pray that i'll go in peace, knowing that there's still one more assignment to hand in. Consolation : it's only worth 10%. Note the only. *grin*

We will fly way up high
Where the cold wind blows
Or in the sun, laughing and having fun
With the people that she knows
And if the situation should keep us separated
You know the world won't fall apart
And you will free the beautiful bird
That's caught inside your heart

Can't you hear her?
Oh she cries so loud
Casts her wild note
Over water and cloud

That's the way it's gonna be, little darlin'
We'll be riding on the horses, yeah
Way up in the sky, little darlin'
And if you fall I'll pick you up, pick you up

Don't worry 'bout a thing little girl
Because I was young myself not so long ago
And when I was young, when I was young
And when I was young, oh I was a wild, wild one.
-Horses-Rickie Lee Jones-

I'm excited now. Am looking forward to the during and the afters.

Whee!

**********************************************************

On another note, you've changed. *thoughtfully* I can't put my finger on what it does to me though. Oh wells.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

:: ta-da! ::

..."keep running, running..." *sings to the tune of Dory's song in Finding Nemo*

*grin*

I'm not crazy, i'm just a little unwell. *nods solemnly*

Thank you for the stuffies all the way from US. Am enjoying my storybook and CD's :)

Who says good things come in small packages? *beams*

Sunday, May 11, 2008

:: what can i do ::

I'm tired.

There's only so much I can take
And I just got to let it go
And who knows I might feel better, yeah
If I don't try and I don't hope.

Maybe there's nothing more to say
And in a funny way I'm calm
Because the power is not mine
I'm just going to let it fly.
-What Can I Do-The Corrs-

How do you not get affected by words? Whether if its verbal or written?
How do you know if someone really means what he or she says?
How do you ignore paper cuts?
How do you make a difference in the little things?
How do you cling unto things and people even though they disappoint?

I know i need a break. We all do, sometimes. But, Lord, i think i may have forgotten how to give myself one.

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?" - Jeremiah 17:9

So harsh. So true.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

:: 2 down, 2 more to go ::

Ah, Lord. Remind me again why i do what i do. It's 1.30am and once again i'm drawn to thoughts of how i need to depend on You.

For my two finished assignments...Lord, Your favor and blessings.

For my unfinished two assignments...Lord, Your strength.

For my untranslated OA message...Lord, Your wisdom.

For my short attention span to complete the above...Lord, Your patience.

For my lack of tact to those around me...Lord, Your love and grace.

For my wildest dreams and desires...Lord, Your will.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not in your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." - Proverbs 3:5-6

So i hold on.

:)

Thursday, May 8, 2008

:: guarded ::

You're right. I've been overly sensitive lately. It's been some time since i was this raw. Maybe i'm just tired.

Lord, guard my heart and mind. I don't need distractions. Especially not now. Help me focus. On You. On school. On OA. On ministry. I don't need anything else. Only You.

Do you hear me, God? I need You.

You are the source of life
I can't be left behind
There's no one else like You
I will take hold of You

I need You, Jesus
To come to my rescue
Where else can i go?
There's no other name by
Which i am saved
Capture me with grace
I will follow You.

This world has nothing for me,
I will follow You.
-Rescue-Desperation-

************************************************
My hands are doing its yearly peel again. *wrinkles nose* It's got this prickly feeling =/ Me no like rough hands.

Ugh. I need to learn not to let my guard down.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

:: stressed ::

One down, three more to go.

I don't even know how to start on this assignment that's due this Friday. Guess i'll just have to find out in...24 hours. *sighs*

And...i lost my thumbdrive with quite a number of important stuff in it. *sighs again*

*****************************************
On another note, i didn't mean to snap. *sadface*

You know and You see
The times of my defeat
When I fail to realize
Your kindness reaches
Through all my fragile fears
Of wasting any years
And I see You go beyond
My silent feelings

You took this fading heart
And softened every part
I'll rest in light of what
You've promised to me
-Even When-Jeremy Camp

Sigh, back to work.

:: sway ::

Goal was not achieved.

I talk to you as to a friend
I hope that's what you've come to be
It feels as though we've made amends
Like we found a way eventually

I don't wanna hurt you
I don't wanna make you sway
Like I know I've done before
I will not do it anymore
I've always been a dreamer
I've had my head among the clouds
Now that I'm coming down
Won't you be my solid ground?

I look at you and see a friend
I hope that's what you wanna be
Are we back now where it all began
Have you finally forgiven me?
-Sway-The Perishers

Ironman was worth it. Trust me.

***************************************************
I'll try not to be so muddled next time. (refers to previous posts) Braindumps help, y'know. Somewhat. I hope.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

:: that's my goal ::

Contrary to that insanely *pop* Shayne Ward song, no, my goal is NOT to win the heart and soul of a girl.

Spirited by chocolate and a whole lotta' prayer, I'm gonna attempt to do the impossible.

Goal :
#1. Complete MGW3401 Assignment. 3000 words. Progress : Started with 0 words at 10am this morning.
#2. Translate half of my OA message into BM. Progress : Nil.

Reward :
IRONMAN TONIGHT.

Bwahahahhaa.

Go, Ellie, go!! :D *cheers self with pompoms*

Now, where's my personal cheerleader when i need him? :P

Sunday, May 4, 2008

:: yearnings ::

Today...was interesting.

If yearnings went away, what do we have to offer up to God? Aren't they given to us to offer up to Him in the first place?

It is the control of passion, not its eradication, that is needed.

How else can we learn to submit to the authority of Christ if we have nothing to submit?

Sigh, Lord, what if i don't want to mature? What if...what if...

Ughs. My thoughts are all over the place. Don't mind me.

**************************************************
Edited : Some people just don't know how much they hurt others by their insensitivity. Sigh, little deaths.

Don't you think we oughta know by now?
Don't you think we should've learnt somehow.

Friday, May 2, 2008

:: somehow or rather ::

Welcome to the days of wariness
Where I'm feeling an echo inside my chest
I've a heart beating patiently along
Waiting for the other half of its song

And times have told the ways things come to light
Realizing a lack in your will to fight
Despite words crying inconsistencies
As you fall uneasily to your knees

No, it's not enough
Don't touch my hand and call it love
If you can't hold it tight tonight
If you're not strong enough

I'm not blind to what you're doing here
Make me feel like I'm special, but my dear
I have seen through a weakness in your eyes
You don't know it but you're telling me lies

You will soon wake to see
There is no heart in anything you say to me
Thought we'd found a harmony
A perfect match of melodies
But if you listen closely now, I've been singing all alone

No, it's not enough
Don't touch my hand and call it love
If you can't hold it tight tonight
If you're not strong enough
-Strong Enough-Kina Grannis-

***************************************************

Note to self : Today, i am.

:: stretched ::

4 assignments due in the span of 2 weeks. What with OA in between. It's gonna be crazyyyyy.

Ellie wants to watch Ironman. She didn't want to earlier, but now she does. *nods*

***********************************************
Oooh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Oooh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
And i'll always remember you like a child, girl...
-Mr Big-

Shucks. I'm in my nineties mode again. Bring on Pearl Jam & Duran Duran. Heck, maybe even No Doubt too. Let's rock tonight :D

Monday, April 28, 2008

:: on these things ::

On music,
...i had the itch of Kasey Chambers, "Am I Not Pretty Enough?" in my head all day. Thanks, Sookie, for making the itch disappear :)

On AFW2851's test,
...it went okay. I'm convinced that MCQs just ain't my thing, though.

On MGW3401's poster presentation,
...crap. Crashed and burned in that one. *laughs* I still think it's a waste of time. Isn't it ironic how a class of 20 gets reduced to 6 on poster presentation days? =.="

On preparing my message for OA,
...Lord, talk to me. I don't want to be dependent on me and speak of words that are not from You. There's no power in that.

On thinking of assignments due,
...i promise i will finish them all before OA. I have to. *groans*

On thinking of food,
...mocha mud pie. I miss you.

On the movies i've watched,
...i think it's about time for another chick flick. Or at least something with Tom Hanks in it. Forbidden Kingdom, is not what it claims to be. Be warned.

On you,
...i was wishing that my wishes were what God wished, and if my wishes were not what God wished, i wished that i could wish that my wishes would go away, but the wishes were still there.

On You,
...help me fight the good fight. I don't just wanna lift roofs. I want to lift the floor.

**************************************************

I know i should try harder. Why do you see right through me?
I hates ze feeling of being invizible.


Sunday, April 27, 2008

:: long weekend ::

It's been a loo...oooooong weekend. Seriously.

But i realised, this is *normal*. This is what i do every week. And this is what God has called me to do for this season. How can i ask for anything more?

God pours His favor upon me so much that i seriously can't complain. Favor with lecturers. Favor with musicians, haha. Favor with different ones that i just can't explain la. It's really all Him :)

Someone asked me today how i handle everything... :)

It's God's grace. Nothing else.

Sigh, i can only pray that you'll understand someday...

************************************************
On another note, Ellie's got an AFW2851 test AND a poster presentation tomorrow. Both of which are undone. Whoop-dee-doo.

Pray for her. Seriously.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

:: ponderings ::

I had a really interesting day today.

Went out for breakfast with Addy and Krystle this morning. Curry chee cheong fun. Yum. It's been ages, babes :) After breakfast, Addy and i sat in her car talking about a multitude of things. Lols. Our conversation spanned across many areas...future career paths, my pending orang asli (OA) trip, our non-existent love lives, our views on religion and heck, even politics.

It's been so long since i last had such an *adult* conversation. Serious stuff ok.

One of the areas we spent talking bout most is of course, the *ideal* boyfriend. Girls mah. And we're of that age where hormones are racing and all that nonsense.

Aaaaanyways, we both discovered...that we're not looking for boyfriends. Lol. If our track record is anything to go by...i think we're looking for husbands. *laughs*

But it's interesting to note, both of us have just not found what we're looking for. And might i safely say, not even close. It's not high expectations. It's not jual-mahal-ing. Whatever that is. It's not even that we look forward to being spinsters at the end of the day. It's just the plain simple fact that....

...we've not found what we're looking for.

I don't see what's so difficult to understand that a girl at our age, has never had a relationship before. Tell you what, Addy, we've got something to be proud of. Market share tinggi. Hahaha.

I stand by my ideal that i'd like my first boyfriend to be my last. And i believe that true love waits. He's worth the wait, me thinks.

Heck, *i* am worth the wait.

*******************************************************

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing fingertips
It burned like a fire
This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongues of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

:: two kinds ::

I spent the entire day at home today. I've not done that in i-don't-know-how-long. Am amazed of the fact. Which is prolly why when mom said i can't go play badminton at 9pm, i didn't put up a fight. Heh.

Quiet nights are lovely. When it is spent wisely.

I like it how God refreshes and instills newfound passion into the things that we do. Sometimes we get into the motions and forget the reason why we do stuff. Sometimes we burn out and do stuff on a need-to-know basis. I'm reminded that it's not the way to live.

Not when He came to give life and life more abundantly.

***************************************************

There are two kinds of people : those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way." - C.S.Lewis

May i never be the latter.

:: superman ::

I simply love "Superman" by Mia Palencia.

I'm in one of my modes right now. The one where i start thinking of when *my* Superman would come. Random, isn't it?

You make me laugh. A lot :)

Why ah? *frowns*

Saturday, April 19, 2008

:: blast from the past ::

Talking about my journey with someone reminded me of this. Thought i'd put it up for keepsake. Even if the writing is so very young.

Who is me, i wonder?

I used to be that girl you see who's self-esteem was so low, she looked to her friends so often that she was dependent on them for confidence. I was that short and fat be-spectacled girl, who never got the same attention as the other girls in school. I was that girl, who tried her best in school, but was always being compared to the smarter ones. The girl who sat in the middle, cause being in front meant she had to answer questions and she didn't have the guts to, and being in the back, meant she couldn't see the blackboard. Lols.

I was that girl who couldn't decide on what she wanted. I was that girl who was always uncertain, and fearful of things she couldn't understand. I was that girl who fell in love only to have those feelings unreturned. That girl whose heart you broke because she wasn't the one you wanted her to be. I was that girl who pretended she knew what she wanted in life, how to get it, and where she'd be ten years from now. But in reality, one who floated in the air, going wherever the wind took her.

But i'm not that girl anymore. Or at least, i try not to be.

I'm not lost or uncertain. Cause i've found myself in Him that made me. I may not know where i'd be ten years from now, but i know that i'm made the way He has thought me to be and He's written my story even before i was born. I am someone in Christ. And having that precious thought with me, i walked with it. I run. And one day, i shall fly.

I'm just like you in many ways :) I still have two eyes, two ears, one nose and mouth. I am, however, new in Christ. He changes me to be more like Him every single day. And i humble myself before Him knowing that i need those changes.

Why, you say?

Because we need to change at some point. The world needs changes and i'd like to see them. What better way to start than to change myself first :) *plays Michael Jackson's "Man In The Mirror"* I need to be just a lil' bit different that i may change those around me.

And everything that's new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
And what was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You, and how You make me new
With every season's change
And so it will be as You are recreating me
Summer autumn winter spring.


Sunday, April 13, 2008

:: relief ::

I am back.

Devil, go away. You have no hold on me, in Jesus' name.

Lord, refresh and pour out Your new annointing. Break my heart for what breaks Yours. Please.

I'm ready. Let's go :)

Saturday, April 12, 2008

:: the 81st post ::

I'm sick. And i'm emo.

What you gonna do about that, huh?! *glares at nobody*

DREAMS

I believe there’s a man in a secret lair
With bottles piled up high
I believe they call him the Dream Maker
He might send you a nice one tonight

And I want to meet with him face to face
Cause I’d like to strike a deal
I’ll sign all of my dreams away
In exchange for something real

Cause what you see is what you get and
All is as it seems
And I want to love him all my life
If only in my dreams

I believe there’s a woman in a quiet cave
As old and wise as the Earth
I believe they call her the Oracle
She knows every death and every birth

And I want to meet with her face to face
Cause I’d like to ask her how
I can be with him all of my days
My thens and all my nows

Cause what you see is what you get and
All is as it seems
And I want to love him all my life
If only in my dreams

Please, Mr Dream maker, take what you will
Please, Mrs Oracle, I think you know how I feel

I believe there’s a someone for everyone
And a soul in every song
I believe there’s a hole inside my heart the size of you each time you’re gone

And I want to be with you all my days
So why not strike a deal?
I’ll give you all I have in me
We’ll make love something real

Cause what you see is what you get and
All is as it seems
And I want to love him all my life
If only in my dreams

But if you decide to go,
I know just what that means
I know I’ll love you all my life
If only in my dreams.
- Mia Palencia-

I just want some real sleep. With nice dreams. Mr Dream-Maker, care to ask for a wee bit of magic beams from your friend, Mr Sandman? Tell him to bring me a dream and I'll give you a penny.

P/S : Mia Palencia is performing for UFO @ 5pm on the 27th April 2008. You've got to be there :) Really.

:: what i wouldn't give ::

....to stop blowing my nose.

Stoopid flu.

Be careful with what you wish for, it may just come true. =.="

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

:: dum dee dum ::

It's such a bee-you-ti-ful day today.

And i read this.

So now i'm even more happy coz that totally describes how i feel :D

Even if that moment was SO last year.

Hee. Plus, AFW3841's major assignment has been postponed to the 16th of May!!

Life is good :D

Monday, April 7, 2008

:: days like these ::

Slow day, it was.

The time between meeting and finally leaving is...
Sometimes called falling in love.
-Lisa Loeb's Falling In Love-

I can make my peace with days like these.

********************************************************
Something interesting i read.

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
-Neil Gaiman-

:: slow fix ::

Sometimes i wonder and ponder about how God works. He just works so differently that you can't help but do just that. And i sit and i think and i realise, i'm just a speck of nothing-ness who deserves nothing-ness and yet, He loves me so.

Pastor's message today really got to me. About tiredness, not physically but in every other area. I've not been able to quiet myself down. Everything's just been so LOUD lately that it's so hard to catch what He's been trying to say to me.

Just reading my previous post alone, i can sense how restless i was. How i just wanted to take off and run away for a break. I really just want to be quiet. But i just can't. Not lately, anyway.

All those things i wanna do...those are MY quick-fix's. Those are just temporary things that i *could* do to take my mind off things.

But God doesn't grant them. Why?

Because when i allow Him to work in my life as i *walk* with Him, and not run, He adds value to me. He allows me to go through challenges that i may learn how to overcome them. He just doesn't do things for OUR convenience. Or OUR wants.

Sometimes i wonder, maybe i'm just not cut out for all of these things i'm to take hold of.

Then He reminds me again, it's not by my own strength that i do these things, it's by His grace that is sufficient for me.

Note to self : God has a reason for every little while. Take Your time with me, Lord. Just don't give up.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

:: to be or not to be ::

I've been feeling like Mei lately.

Ellie is me from 10am to 10pm. Mei becomes me during all the times when i'm not with people. Or generally, after 10pm. Until i need to become a normal campus student again.

For the first time in my university years, i submitted my assignment late. By one day. It kinda sucks knowing that it *could* have been avoided. And i solemnly vowed in the beginning of the semester, that i'll never do such a thing. And yet. Lols. I fail myself sometimes. But it felt very much like something Mei would do.

Thing is, I'm not sad. Just a little bit miffed. But not overly depressed as i thought i would be. God knows how *badly* that piece of work was anyway. Pffft.

Which brought me to another thought - I've changed.

I think i'm becoming more and more like Mei lately. Someone who is less afraid of things. More willing to adapt to changes. The one who's learning to say NO. Ellie always says yes to things.

I can't tell if i like the changes. Obviously, this is Ellie speaking.

But i do like harbouring thoughts such as these :

#1. Running around in the rain, singing "Kiss The Rain" at the top of my lungs.

#2. Dancing under streetlights in the middle of the night, observing shadows that are being cast down.

#3. Going to a bar and people-watch. Wondering why so many campus students would wanna waste their lives with spirits. (heehee, cool pun no?)

#4. Driving late nights with Lite FM accompanying me with its lovely smooth lounge and jazzy selections. The urge to just take off and drive to somewhere far far away is so strong, i have to pinch myself to convince myself that it's NOT a very Ellie thing to do.

#5. Wanting so bad to go to a beach again. Watch the sunset, and sink my toes into soft warm sand. It'll be so sweet to go to Phuket again. It was lovely sleeping on the beach and diving into lagoons where the depth was unknown and its contents were unknown too :D

Or maybe, just driving up to Genting for a one-day trip to spoil myself silly on the SpaceShot.

Randomness : It'll be nice if someone bought me cotton candy too. I wonder how toffee apples taste like.

But i realised one thing, i can't do these things alone. I miss having someone to cater to my every whim and fancy. Okay, maybe not cater. But to teman me fulfill every whim and fancy.

When are you coming home? :(

Or maybe i should be asking, will you ever come?

Note to self : What you don't have or have never done, you can't possibly miss.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

:: the big 2-1 ::

Hey you :)

To the girl i've known for 14 years and still counting...

The one whom i shared books, CDs and toys...

The one who told me that skirts are not so bad after all...

The one who enlightened me that you CAN be girly...without being bimbo...

The one whom i share the same frequency...wavelengths...whatever...

The one who can finish my sentences...

The one who shares my McFlurry cravings...for no reason at all.

The one i watch "My Fair Lady" with and not be bored. Even after the millionth time.

The one whose only difference with me is that i EAT and LOVE chocolates... (you weirdo)

The one who knows my taste in boys :P

The only one who knows what my dream wedding would be like.

The one whom i made a pact with, "friendship over relationships". Every time.

The one whom i can hang on the phone with for hours. No matter which country you're in.

The one i know i can call and rant to, no matter how long we've not spoken to each other.

The one i know i can expect surprises, and yet not be surprised.

The one who amazes me with her zest for life and the craziness it entails.

The one i believe, has everything she's ever wanted..and more :)

The one who believes in ME, whenever i've failed.

The one whom i'd like to call...my bestest friend. By age. By thoughts. By love.


Happy 21st birthday, sweetie. May *my* best friend in the heavens be with you even as i'm not on your special day.

Your guardian angel :)

Sunday, March 30, 2008

:: so nice ::

One of my favourite songs. Randomly heard it and fell in love with it again =)

Someone to hold me tight
That would be very nice
Someone to love me right
That would be very nice
Someone to understand
Each little dream in me
Someone to take my hand
And be a team with me

So nice, life would be so nice
If one day I'd find
Someone who would take my hand
And samba through life with me

Someone to cling to me
Stay with me right or wrong
Someone to sing to me
Some little samba song
Someone to take my heart
And give his heart to me
Someone who's ready to
Give love a start with me

Oh yeah, that would be so nice
I could see you and me, that would be nice...

***************************************************************

Whee =)

Happy birthday, Chester Choo. Hope you enjoyed your surprise! :)

One of the many old fogies turning 22 this year. May we all grow old together. *cheers*

Sunday, March 23, 2008

:: thank you ::

*beams*

I'm so happy i could cry.

Sunflowers, a cute mug, a CD full of awesome songs. Thank you =)

God, family and friends witnessing me taking this step of faith of getting baptised, amazing.

A big huge thank you to all who came :) You guys played a huge role just by being there.

I couldn't have asked for more. I thank You most :)

:: it's time ::

I never thought this day would come so soon...

What i know now, compared to what i knew 3 years ago, on this very same day...

Grace, before Truth.

Purpose, before Persecution.

Compassion, before Conviction.

Drawing, before Discipleship.

Will, before Work.

Love, before Law.

Mercy, before Sacrifice.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." - John 3:16

I am a Christian. And i am not ashamed. This is my public declaration of faith.

Blessed Easter, everyone :)

Monday, March 17, 2008

:: he loved and so he gaved ::

Dear God,

I don't deserve the many things You've done for me. I don't deserve Your love, Your mercies, Your blessings and most of all, Your grace. And yet, You gave it all to me anyway.

I thank You, Lord, for just, giving me this one gift that i've been wanting the past 2 years. I'll be 3 years old in You as Good Friday comes. I thank You that You're still working and so evident in my life. I thank You that You're gonna use me as a testimony. I thank You that You're just so good. I thank You that You're my daddy.

I thank You for the freedom and peace of getting baptised this Easter. I thank You for even changing the hearts of my parents and allowing them to come. Lord, this is something i had not imagine could happen but it IS happening. Only You can open doors such as these. And Lord, i trust You enough to know that You won't let them close on me.

I'm going to honour You, God. With all i am, with all i have. Cause i know You'll honour me back.

This is my desire, to honour You,
Lord, with all my heart, i worship You...
All i have within me, i give You praise,
All that i adore, is in You...

Lord, i give You my heart,
I give You my soul,
I live for You alone,
Every breath that i take,
Every moment i'm awake,
Lord, have Your way in me.

"There is one body and one spirit-just as you were called to one hope when you were called-one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and one Father of all, who is over all and through all and IN all." - Ephesians 4:5

To my friends (and sisters!) who are running the same race and undergoing the same journey,
"But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." - 1 Corinthians 15:57-58

I stand firm too :) My labor has not been in vain.


Monday, March 10, 2008

:: much to learn ::

I have much to learn. Jesus is saying to me what He said to His disciples : "There is much that i could say to you, but the burden would be too great for you now."

He's saying, "I need to teach you to long for something better."

One of my favourite lines from Elisabeth Elliot :

How long, Lord, must i wait?
Never mind, child. Trust me.

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On a lighter note,

...how do i know that i've been eating more vegetables than i had before? (because i'm Daniel-fasting)

My poop is green.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.

I'm serious.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

:: thoughts to mull over ::

I picked up a book today by Paulo Coelho which i will buy. Soon la. Books are so expensive nowadays ya?

*sigh*

*****************************************************

“I think that when we look for love courageously, it reveals itself, and we wind up attracting even more love. If one person really wants us, everyone does. But if we're alone, we become even more alone. Life is strange.”

“You drown not by falling into a river, but by staying submerged in it.”

“But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for.


“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.”

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

And my favourite...

“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.”

:: it might be you ::

Been having this song in my head ever since i heard it on Lite Fm after SUCH a long time.

I likey...

******************************************************

Time, I've been passing time watching trains go by
All of my life
Lying on the sand watching seabirds fly
Wishing there could be someone
Waiting home for me

Something's telling me it might be you
It's telling me it might be you
All of my life

Looking back as lovers go walking past
All of my life
Wondering how they met and what makes it last
If I found the place would I recognize the face

Something's telling me it might be you
It's telling me it might be you

So many quiet walks to take
So many dreams to wake and there's so much love to make
I think we’re gonna need some time
Maybe all we need is time
And it's telling me it might be you
All of my life

I've been saving love songs and lullabies
And there's so much more
No one's ever heard before
Something's telling me it might be you
Yeah, it's telling me it must be you and
I'm feeling it'll just be you
All of my life

It's you, it's you I've been waiting for all of my life
Maybe it's you Maybe it's you I've been waiting for all of my life.

******************************************************

I wonder if i would recognise the face :)

:: stuffed ::

Like, seriously.

I.Am.Stuffed.

And of all things, i am stuffed with dragon fruit and ciku. =.="

****************************************************

Hey Leen,

All da best in HK. You'll love it there, i'm sure :) Wait for me before you go to Disneyland ok? *hugs* Talk soon.

Love,
Ellie

****************************************************

I had a very amusing time today. Tiring, but extremely amusing. From not understanding anything in Lending Decisions to driving around KL with a talkative companion to meeting my SS15 core team to a vegetarian dinner and stuffing myself with fruits.

Yeps. My job for today is done.

Friday, February 29, 2008

:: freedom ::

Yeah yeah! Sing with me, peoples!!

I can finally call my life my own again :D
Just joking. It's never been mine. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, yes yes? :D

Anyways! I've FINALLY graduated from GE's Graduate Leadership Program (GLP)! Yay yay! So HAPPY.

I think people can really tell the difference between me as a YWA and me as a campus student. I think i prefer the campus-student me :D Feel younger. And i'm turning into a hyperactive bunny again! Woohoo!

I.Love.School.

Not that GE was such a bad place to work in, it was actually really cool. In fact, i couldn't have asked for more in terms of the experience and the exposure that i received. I'm just glad i was only there as an intern for now and not as a permanent worker. I can tell you that i'm SO not prepared for working life yet. Oh wells :) Everything in it's time yes?

Had a LOT of fun at LUCT's CF launch, meeting with Leen and CY, taking my huddle girls out for dinner and movie. Yeah, life's definitely back on track now :) Praise the Lord!

Random note : Step Up 2 is SO COOL. Like, i really wish i can dance now :S *jiggles for abit and plops down with a sigh* BUT IT'S STILL SO COOL. Go watch.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

:: overwhelmed still ::

I'm trying so hard not to just give up and quit.

I've worked 3 months plus, i've given all i can, been late to huddles, been exhausted physically and mentally, had to endure horrendous KTM rides, forgo-ed lunch AND dinner countless of times. And. I feel like crying wayyyyy too often.

My last day in GE has been postponed.

God, i need You. In this, and that other matter of wanting to be dumped into a pool. Gently, of course.

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

*breathes*

Drat economic regions. I want to stay in a cave. Bah.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

:: rough days ::

Man, i hates it when i feels weak. And clueless. And just unsure of everything. Couldn't stop crying during worship. So sakit hati. Eeesh. But God, i'm sure You know its tiring. It's annoying and aggravating and just discouraging all at once. And there's only so much i can take at one time.

Oh wells. "...this beating heart is set apart for You." Beautiful song.

I like the words to this song by KT Tunstall.

I think it's time to put myself away
Seek out a little silence
Close the doors and sit a while
Walk a little

And as I put my words away
The flow slows
See this pen in a stream
Picking it up is easy.

Follow the shape of it.
Jump in.
Swallow it whole.
Jump in.

Even though I know my way around
Possibly there's something that I found
Holding on for finding solid ground
Someday soon.
Someday soon.

I'll turn myself into the grass
And I'll grow
Take this space above my head
And live a little, little.

Gonna wear my feathered headress
Like an indian chief.
Gonna stretch out both my arms
I'm gonna test the temperature.

Follow the taste of it.
Jump in.
Swallow it whole.
Jump in.

Even though I know my around (even though)
Possibly there's something that I found (possibly I, possibly I)
Holding on for finding solid ground (ohh..)
Even though I know my way around (even though)
Possibly there's something newI found (possibly I, possibly I)
Holding on for finding solid ground (ohh..)
Someday soon.
Someday soon.

Maybe walk a little
Someday soon.
________________________________________

Hmms. I never noticed you before.

:: people change ::

I dunno if it's because you've moved ahead...

Or i'm standing still.

God, i need You. Here's me, putting all my trust, hope, faith and strength, into believing that You'll come through for me.

You know what i need, what i want and what i feel. Help me to not be distracted, aggravated and disappointed by the littlest of things.

*setting my eyes higher* I'm so glad Your ways are higher than mine.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

:: overwhelmed ::

I.am.so.tired.

Just got a silly phone reminder saying i have an assignment due tmr which just btw, i'm only a quarter way through. *cries*

Too much work, too little time.

It's not that i don't enjoy it, it's just that there's not enough of me to go around. In work, in family, in church, in friends...even 5 Ellie's wouldn't be sufficient, me thinks.

Guess this is what it feels like to be a young working adult eh?

Guess this is what it feels like to be alone on Valentine's too. *laughs* The first year in 4 years that i'm not sending someone off in the airport.

I *almost* feel sorry for myself but i'm pretty sure God's got THE one for me somewhere out there. I thank Him at the very least for making me idealistic. Since i've never had a boyfriend before, i'm glad i can do things RIGHT (should i plan to). I'm glad i can do it the Acts-way (should i want to). I'm glad that when the time comes, my future boyfriend will be my future husband. It'll be so cool to hit the jackpot right away, yes yes? :D

One day soon :)

Lord, Your strength for the next 6 days in GE. May i leave with a job offer that i can glorify Your name with. (and THEN, gloat about) Amen.

Monday, February 4, 2008

:: baby steps ::

...slowly....

.......steady.

Give me time. I'm getting there.

"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised." Hebrews 10:36

Saturday, February 2, 2008

:: Updates ::

Yes, i'm a very boring person. So boring that the title on my latest post is "Updates". Bah.

But really, just so that you guys know that i'm alive and so that i know i actually still am sparing time to blog, i'm gonna post. Whoopeedoo.

#1. I had 9 hours of sleep for each of the past 2 days, thanks to a bee-you-ti-ful day called Federal Territory Day. I love FT Day. *chants*

#2. I finally cut my hair. And guess what? I had it highlighted too. Hee. Yes, Shi Wei, i did it. After all my stands of never-ever-wanting-to-dye-my-hair-coz-everyone's-already-done-it-and-i'm-going-to-stay-original, yes, i've highlighted my hair. I have bronzy streaks now, btw. *grin* Pictures to be up soon.

#3. My camera mati, thus, no pictures of new highlights yet.

#4. I went shopping!! Like, *really* shopped. For like, CLOTHES. *bimbotic grin* I got a skirt (haha!) and 2 tops. All from Promod. And half of my pay is gone. *sad-faced* But it was worth it right?? Right, Trace? Right, Cindy?

#5. I'm beginning to think that peep-toe shoes are not so aunty-ish now.

#6. I got to eat my favourite cheese-baked prawns in Overseas Restaurant today. *beams happily* I'm actually allergic to prawns but they're just so irresistibly tasty. So if you see me with rashes tomorrow, you'll know why. *laughs*

#7. I'm actually missing Switchfoot tonight. Hrms. And i had like 3 tickets offered to me. I think i made the right decision on staying home tonight tho. God knows when i'll get s'more me-times :)

#8. My program in GE ends in exactly 2o days. Wow. Time *really* flies. And that's counting weekends. *eye widens*

#9. The KTM so disgusts me. I've become like Michelle and started carrying hand sanitizer.

#10. I've got a new habit. I pick at frays. Of my jeans, of my tops, of my bags, of table cloths, etc. Hehehe :) Not proud of it, but i've been wondering why the frays of my jeans are so bad and then i realised, it was because of me. *dush*

*grin* I treasure my me-times. Selfish, but nevertheless, needed at times.

Oh oh! JANE LOKE IS FINALLY HOME! :D Welcome home, dearie :)

Sunday, January 27, 2008

:: grace under pressure ::

Aiseh. I've got so much more to learn.

But what Ps Helen Monk shared is SO true. Courage IS grace under pressure. Sometimes you don't know how to react to certain things, but if you just lift the situation/circumstance to God, He'll turn it around for Your benefit.

All things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called to His purpose. Romans 8:28

**********************************************

On a lighter note, i miss you lah. Faster come back. *sings Colbie Caillat song* Then, stay a while.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

:: growls ::

*ugh*

Now what???

Lord? :(

Thursday, January 24, 2008

:: uncertain ::

I'm scared to hope. How weird is that.

My thoughts are all over the place and it comes down to one thing. Surrender. I need You, Lord, to clear my mind. To purify and to unclutter the mess in my head.

Not easy yah..to bring every thought that exalts itself above God into captivity. Nyehs.

Lord, discipline my mind and give me the discipline of time that i may understand the discipline of work and overcome the discipline of my feelings.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

:: slow down ::

I need time to breathe.

Help.

Please don't say you're disappointed in me. It hurts more than you know.

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence, or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." Psalm 51:10-12

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise." Psalm 51:11

"In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat-for He grants sleep to those he loves." Psalm 127:2

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and i will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary; and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary, and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar like wings of eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:28-31

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, "Do not fear"; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13

At the very least, i know You are with me.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

:: don't lose your joy ::

Heard a really good message by Joel Osteen on not losing your joy, no matter what circumstances you're in. No matter who aggravates you. No matter which fool decides your soft toys should be on the floor rather than on your bed. Don't give them the time of the day.

We can't wait for others to change. WE need to change.
Respond. Not react. *preaches to self*
I'm gonna quit letting you upset me. Sigh, maybe why i'm not happy is cause i'm constantly giving my joy away. I'm keeping it now. *holds joy tightly with both fists*

God, direct my steps.
________________________________________________

On a lighter note...

And it starts in my toes
And i crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go...

Uh-oh. *smiles thoughtfully*

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

:: a brand new year ::

Gawsh, 2008 is here already.

Saying time flies is gonna be so cliched but really, time FLIES. I still remember what i did on the first day of 2007 and wow. *speechless*

Every year, i do a mini "bridget-jones-diary" entry to just keep a rough check on what i've done throughout the year. A good time to reflect and just really think of how much you've added value into your life by that one extra year. Was it spent wisely? Did you lose your days to the Bermuda triangle? Did you live during that year that has just passed you by?

Did i live in 2007?

I prayed i did :)

Just some of the things i was proud of doing this year...(in no particular order)

#1. Leading worship in CC.
#2. Being part of the campus camp committee.
#3. Getting selected to intern at GE.
#4. Leading huddle in homes.
#5. Making countless of new friends.
#6. Caring for a group of GREAT girls.
#7. Being part of different committees for different events.
#8. Stepping out of my comfort zone to do things i've never done before, like chairing a CC service.
#9. Understanding once and for all, that things will almost ALWAYS, never go my way.
#10. Making allowances for the faults of others and my own in love.

Every year, i make the same resolutions. And throughout the year, i would've failed one or two of them. This year, i pray that i'll follow one simple rule : Honor God and help men.

I don't have to ask for God to stretch me cause He has and will continue to do so for as long as i live.

I don't have to worry about things that well, i shouldn't worry about NOW, because as i make decisions based on His word, with His house as my priority, everything else in my life, be it family, friends, work and studies, i KNOW it will all fall into place.

What i learnt most this year was : If i don't speak up or be bold about my stands, an opportunity to make a difference would just pass me by.

2007 was brilliant. And it's going to be even more brilliant now in 2008.

Happy new year, everyone. May you guys fulfill what God has intended for you this coming year with all passion, perseverance and boldness. Amen :)

And just for the sake of it, i WILL lose weight. I will NOT keep a pigsty for a room. I will increase my quota of vege-eating. I will read 2 books a month. I will wear the skirts that i've bought. I will not take people that i care about for granted. Oh, and did i say i was gonna lose weight?

P/S : And i say this all the time, "....i'm always gonna be just a little bit fat." - Bridget Jones