Thursday, August 30, 2007

:: who wants to go to boston? ::

Yes, i'm feeling a bit emo. Again. It's a blessing that these emo moments don't happen like, everyday. Hahahahaha.

But since i *am* feeling emo, might as well do something productive, yes?

Like, blogging. Hahahahhaa.

This whole week has been crazy man. So many stuffs happened that i don't even know where to begin! So, i won't start. Lols. Some good, some not-so-good. Hrms. Half-thankful that it's the weekend already. Came one day earlier cause, as you ALL know (you smarty-pants peoples), it IS our national day in approximately hrm, 2 hours and 49 minutes. And guess where Ellie is...

You guessed right! She's at home!! Amazing huh???
Yeah, i'm pretty amazed too. Last year, i think i was counting down at Starbucks. And i *do* believe i spilled/splurted my caramel frapp over ChoongYang. Lols. Or was that new year's? :D

What a difference a year makes. (sings to the tune of "What a Difference A Day Makes" by Renee Olstead) If a year continues to pass by *this* fast, i think i'll have to start wearing one of em' high-speed jet thingies to keep up and zoom ahead of Time.

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly 'em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice...
Boston...where no one knows my name..
-
Boston by Augustana-

Yeah, i'd like to run to Boston. Just for 5 minutes or so :)

It's not even as if my life is so bad that i'd like to run away. In fact, it's been great, really interesting (although the situation with parents could improve a teensy bit). But it's always tempting to want to run away anyhow...and just see what it's *like* to be in a new place, new environment. Where nobody, like, NO ONE, knows your name. =/

Maybe i won't stay home after all. I could always find some hobo's to countdown with. Lols.

Happy Merdeka, everyone!

(this goes out especially to all you overseas people who *should* be out celebrating with your mini malaysian groups)
God bless Malaysia! :D

(yes, i quite meant that) *smile*


Wednesday, August 29, 2007

:: slow and steady ::

I don't know what it's like to lose a father. I can't imagine it, really.

My condolences to you and your family. Manda dear, we're keeping you in prayer here at CC and ACTS. You amaze us with your strength and steadiness. Know that even if you lose your earthly father, your heavenly one is still watching over you. May His peace guard your heart and mind throughout this time. Soon, this will pass too. *hug*

God bless you and your family. May your father rest in peace. Amen.

*************************************************************

Situations like these, it makes you wonder how fragile life really is. Let's not waste time and effort into things that are not eternal. God is eternal. The Lord gives and He takes away. It's scary not knowing the if's, the when's and the how's.

But i believe we're in good hands :)

He knows what He's doing.

Monday, August 27, 2007

:: isaiah 40 ::

I felt led to this passage today during devotion this morning. Tis' true i felt discouraged, tis' true i was growing tired and weary. I had people asking me if was fine yesterday when i *felt* fine. Maybe my outward appearance shows more than i know. Hrm. But the worst of it all, tis' true that i feel like a survivor. Not an overcomer.

But God says, "Cry out!" And cry out i did.

These are exciting times. I have no time to grow weary and tired. But if i do, the bible is where i should go to. In the daily bread yesterday, it says we need to "spiritually decompress". Such a canggih-fying word. But nevertheless true.

Live in simplicity. Do less, but achieve more.

"Young men may stumble and fall, but those who hope in the Lord shall renew their strength. " - Isaiah 40:30-31

Note to self :

It's not a sign of weakness, when it's out of your control. To everything there is a reason, and a time for letting go. Things aren't always as they seem to be, sometimes life is something you can't see. It's more than meets the eye :)


Sunday, August 26, 2007

:: nothing is impossible ::

This weekend has certainly been interesting. Spent most of yesterday in church cause of SALT service which is Acts' Church Leader's Training and then, i stayed back for Teenacity Party : Freedom Fighters to help out :D It was good being mobilised although i was quite lost most of the time since there was nothing much for me to do. Lols. Felt weird sitting back and just *enjoying* the party :) But it's all good. Oh, and i got a toy soldier too. It says, "Enlisted at Teenacity Party." Teehee.

Spent the whole of TODAY in church. Quite literally. Studied a bit of Treasury Management in between services. Peoples, did u know Acts' Church has an evening service? You didn't? Now you do. Hehehhehe. It's from 5-7pm every Sunday. So if you tell me you can't wake up for church, this is the service you should be at ;)

It was really awesome. Our first service had 138 people. Most of which were Revolution Conference delegates. As for today, i think there were about 40 people. I *think*. It may be less, but it's still good :) Hope to see it grow to 300 by the end of the year. Have volunteered to serve there since i'm not allowed out on weeknights, so, i'm going to maximise my weekends in church :) Best part, i come home just in time for dinner :D

Parents think i'm crazy for attending two services, but i really don't care anymore. What they have to say, just can't compare to the feeling of seeing people grow, seeing the opportunities of reaching out to people who don't know Christ. Yet. And no, i'm not rebelling. I just think, if i spent 5 days a week, staying at home to study and do miserable assignments, surely my weekends can be used to be a blessing to others? I need to get fed too, y'know.

If i stay at home on a Sunday afternoon, all i do is sleep anyways. Heh. Might as well study in church right right? :D

It's been a super long day. And i'm physically tired, naturally. Was thinking of starting my essay, but i think, i've done enough *work* for today. I'm gonna enjoy my sabbath. God did have one day of rest yes? I'll worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes :) After all, His grace for me is sufficient.

I've been thinking so much about this message i heard by Pastor Matt Fielder from PlanetUni, Melbourne. Which is like, how CampusCity is to Acts' Church >>> PlanetUni is to PlanetShakers. He's a really in-your-face speaker, judging from the message i heard. And he said something really beautiful in my mind. One that i think we can all learn, take to heart...and eventually, or immediately, practice ;)

This was asked by a little girl, to her mom :

If God is so big that the world couldn’t contain Him, if He’s so huge that you cant see the beginning or the end of Him, if God is so massive that planet earth is His footstool, and yet He lives inside of me, shouldn’t people see Him bursting out of me?


I know i'm not the perfect example of a Christian. I don't know the Old Testament much. I can't say that i can tell you what verse is what or where at any time. I can't say that i don't curse or gossip or be slow to anger. I can't say i know how to *be* like Jesus either.

But i *can* say that by His grace, i'm trying to change and be the best i can be, according to His word. And as He leads, i will follow.

And i guess, i pray, that maybe someday, people will follow me as i follow Him.

Word of the week : Nothing is impossible. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us, amen? :)

Friday, August 24, 2007

:: Thought, who? ::

Okay, it sucks knowing that i've effectively shot myself in the foot.

How fast my mood changes. Go away, Thought.

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." - 2 Corinthians 10:5

I'm catching you, Thought. You're cheating.

I'm not ready yet.

A heart that's been buried in the ground
Can't break it if it's never found
I spent so much time digging that grave
And even if it's pain that I feel
At least I know that it's real
I�d rather be broken than afraid
Can April hours spring
Signs of life in me.
-LifeHouse-

:: stardust ::

Stardust by Neil Gaiman is like one of my favourite fictions. I love his books. Some of them albeit too illustrative and dark, but nevertheless, interesting. I imagine a lot. Kinda weird, since i'm nearing twenty and technically, i should *not* be thinking of fairy tales and stuff. But sometimes, it's nice to daydream. And think of the stories in books you've read. The lands you've never been to. The people you've never met. (and no, i don't mean fantasy lands that u get high on okay *ahem*) Just simple daydreams.

Just imagine, if you can meet a star. I was surfing for info on the Stardust movie (yes, it's being made into a movie), i noticed that they're not quite following the book, which is kinda sad cause the story is originally sweet. Then again, i'm no movie producer. Maybe the change will help boost box office sales (not likely). But i noticed this quote, which is *not* in the book, and i figured, just maybe, it could be worth the watch.

You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again.

But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and...

What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no fits. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

To think it is gonna be said by a star. Metaphorically, of course.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

:: of blue skies and anti-socialites ::

I'm quite anti-social. Contrary to what others believe. I suppose i used to think that i can never survive alone. As in, i MUST have kawans to be around me to keep sane (sometimes, its still true). But you know, since this semester started, i have been *very* anti-social. In wherever, really. Not just in school. It's weird huh. But i'm beginning to think that this phrase i heard from somewhere is true.

You can still feel alone in a crowd.

So emo right? LOL. But its true. There are just times that you really just wanna be alone and have some peace. I had *lots* of quiet moments today. Early in the morning cause i was 2 hours early for class, and during my one-hour break. Sat on a bench at my favourite spot in campus. In between block 6 and 9, level 4. Lols. So odd. Feels Harry Potter-ish wih his 9 and 3/4 station :D

Aaaanyways, i've been stealing away to my fav spot and reading my bible, or doing my homework and just being anti-social there lah. Once in a while, there'll be other anti-socialites to ber-anti-social with me. Hehehe. But knowing we're anti-socialites, we don't talk to each other either. We enjoy each other's *silent* company.

Today, especially, i got to appreciate how blue the sky was. Cue for Strays Don't Sleep to play. And i was reading Psalm 139. And i just started talking to God. While looking up at the blue blue sky. It felt good. I bet He knew i was gonna do so :) You know when i sit and when i rise; You perceive my thoughts from afar-Psalm 139:2. Spending quiet times at my fav spot is actually why i'm so happy today. Not laughable happy, but the i-can-smile-without-feeling-like-a-hypocrite happy. It was just..peaceful. Something i lacked in the weekend. And He knows the times when we need to just chill and stay away from crowds.

I had my moment today. And now, i'm ready to face the world again.

A big thank you to the someone who gave me the Fellowship of the Unashamed site. I choose to personally live by it as much as i can.

Excerpts :

I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense and my future is secure.

I now live by presence, lean by faith, love by patience, lift by prayer and labor by power.

I cannot be bought, compromised, deterred, lured away, turned back, diluted, or delayed.

I must go until Heaven returns, give until i drop, preach until all know and work until He comes.

And when He comes to get His own, He will have no problems recognising me.

*****************************************************************

Random thought : People-watching is *not* stalking. It's good for those who actively imagine. Lols.

A bina ayat question my 7-year-old-brother told me (his friend did this btw) :
Word : Dipotong
Ayat : Emak dipotong oleh epal.

Word : Memotong
Ayat : Epal memotong emak dengan pisau.

Funny la. Cracked me up crazy :D

Saturday, August 18, 2007

:: what would you do ::

Got into an accident today. Hit a motorcyclist, on the way to the Revolution Conference.

Funny how my accidents occur when i'm on my way to church.

Lost my voice. Crying, singing, cheering and squealing. In that order.

Lost my courage. Wondering how to tell daddy-o how i got into an accident, sent the motorcyclist to the workshop, sent him to the clinic, went to church to drop my friends off, sent MY car to the workshop, go for the conference and contemplated not telling my parents at all since the car repair person did such a good job. (A huge thank you to the few in my car that helped me keep a sane mind during the entire journey to all the above places)

My conscience wouldn't shut up. It bugged me since i came home. I've never lied to my parents. Kept things from them, sure, but never lied. I told them i was a Christian 3 days after i accepted Christ into my life after all. I didn't lie about it and assumed an undercover Christian role. Why start now, right?

So i told.

And the outcome was unfavourable.

God says He'll never leave me nor forsake me. That if my parents did, He'll take care of me.

Why do i feel so scared then?

How to be a revolutionary like this??!

Times like these, i really DO hate being a first-gen Christian. I always wondered what it'll be like, born into a Christian family who believed, loved and served the same good God. It's times like these that bring me down, and cause me to consider that perhaps, i really do spend too much time in church.

But then again, if you have something good, and you KNOW it's good, how can you let it go? If you've seen and tasted that God is good, how could you not be blessed? I don't know why i get into these scrapes, but Lord, You do. And i really hope, no Lord, i BEG, that You use this as some sort of example to someone else.

There's no way i'm going to suffer and die here if it's not gonna mean something to someone else.

Small sigh.

It hurts when the people you live with don't understand why you do the things you do. And the worst part, they don't listen even when you try to tell them.

Friday, August 17, 2007

:: showtime ::

I'm uber tired. But uber excited too. I uber disliketh math. Worst, I uber crave java chip.

I uber love huge windows. Am in Monash's library sitting at one of their uber huge tables next to windows that are wayyyyy taller than me. Uber rawks man.

Uber uber. *grin*

Revolution Conference is ON tomorrow! Will be uber busy till it's all over. Hehehehe.

Till then, toodles! :D

P/S : Skype uber annoying since yesterday.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

:: broken ::

That's the title of the song that's been playing in my head over and over again. It's by Lifehouse, by the way. Their new album is not bad :)

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like You've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is there is healing
In Your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to You

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see Your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is there is healing
In Your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to You

I'm handin' on another day
Just to see what You will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words You say
You said that I will be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home.

**************************************************

Was really shaken up by a few things that happened today. Things just didn't go my way and i guessed part of me wondered why not. Part of me asked, "Lord, why didn't You come through for me?" Some things are just easier said than done. I *will* pull through. It sucks feeling restricted in the things you want to do, despite knowing that this is only for a season. Like i said, easier said than done.

Things happen for a reason anyway. And maybe, just maybe, or actually, i KNOW, Lord, You've got better things in store for me. I'm hanging on to the words You say.

C'mon, Lord. Don't leave me stuck here.

And You say, "He who heeds the word wisely will find good, and whoever trusts in the Lord, happy is he." - Proverbs 16:20

Or in this case...

...happy is she.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

:: puzzled ::

It always turns out this way. Always have, always will? *wrinkles nose*

Lord, tell me why i'm so puzzled even though i knew it was coming?

I feel disappointed and relieved at the same time.

Puzzling.

Minor fall, major lift. You're all i need.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

:: oh priorities ::

Gonna be a lil jonah today. (inside joke)

Not that i want to, no choice wan. Woke up friggin' early at 6am this morning despite sleeping at 2am doing this

People do weird things in the wee hours of the morning. Hahaha. I'm officially a genius though :D With the help of Jason and Sookie. Argh. The brain itch. You guys should try it. Can come find me if cannot find answer dy. Fun in a way. Tiringly annoying when you can't get it sometimes. 15 men on a dead men's chest...yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

Don't understand? Yeah, don't have to.

Lots of things coming along my way. Sometimes i wonder, can ah can ah? In Jesus' name, CAN :D

It was our yearly ladies conference for the past 2 days. BLOOM Conference 2007, themed "Contagious!" It was great :) Had a lot of fun. Lols. Became a total bimbo by going for a makeup/grooming workshop and *learning* that there are a million things to do before you put on make up. A million things you do *while* you put on make up. And a million things you *should* do when you take it off. *laughs* Is it any wonder why i never bothered?

I'll learn. *consoles self*

It was even *more* fun in the other workshop. How to be a domestic goddess. All right man. The art of rolling and using measuring tapes. :D Oh. Not forgetting, learning about undergarment fittings :D Practical yes yes. And the girlies got roses too! :D On contrary to what Eunice' thinks, i DO like flowers. Occasionally. I always thought they were unnecessary. But once in a while, they make nice surprises. *hint* Have always been a white lily than a rose fan though ;)

Hey. I've got a cool picture.

Come.For.The.Revolution.2007. Spread.the.word. Click here.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

:: reunion 2007 pictures ::

My favourite shot with Addy dear. Admit it, i look good. (mostly cause i don't look like me hehehe)

Just wanted to post up some new pictures so that my blog doesn't look so boring. Am wondering how to put up the flooble chatterbox? Macam mane ah? Kawans, boleh tolong tak? :D

Ellie, Adelin and Ian Zing.

A group pic of our table.

Me. Mwahahahaha. In an electric blue dress. Retro or what? :D (taken in Pan-Pac toilet, i love mirrors!)


Monday, August 6, 2007

:: flyaways ::

Yeah, thoughts are flying everywhere. Kinda fun. It's like going on a joyride you don't wanna stop. Unless it's bad thoughts you're having. But i'm not. So its fun! :D Been thinking of perfect days...*happy spasms*

Have been looking for this quote...

"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?" - God, Evan Almighty

I likey. Makes sense no?

I have finance homework to do. Blehs. Guess the joyride has to end sometime. Lols. *skips off happily*

Sunday, August 5, 2007

:: expecting ::

I don't know exactly what i'm expecting. I just feel really excited. It's fun being part of a team, championing a cause that's greater than ourselves and just knowing that God will work with and through us. Yeah, feels good.

Oh wait, in a nutshell, i expect God to help in making all things work for every plan we're going to carry out for both the conference and evening service. I expect you to reply my email and just tell me where we're at exactly. You can't deny that we've not spoken a word for 2 weeks now. I expect you to give me a break and just let me live my student life the way i want to live it. And that is, with no regrets. I expect you to not take me for granted. I expect you to call and say hello once in awhile, just to ask how i am. I expect acts of random kindness to be done by everyone. It's the only way to change the world.

Am i expecting too much? *shrug*

*******************************************************

I'm tired, physically, but so terribly excited. Lols. Are you guys coming for Revolution Conference? You should. Our cause : Every student in Malaysia has the right to hear about the good news at least once. I wished someone would've told me about God sooner in my life. But then, He knows the whys, the whens and hows. And i guess, in more than one ways, i can't ask for more than the life i'm already living now :)

Hey, did you guys know that The Simpsons movie is so...ooo stoopid? Funny, sure. But if i wasn't already stoopid, i'm like, retarded now. Lols. IQ minus 10 points. Bah. Spider pig...spider pig...does whatever a spider pig does.... Help. Lols. I still love Bart (and his selfish idiosyncrasies) and Lisa (and her saxophone skills plus passion for causes greater than herself) tho. Doodles. *slaps forehead* Lols.

Craving for a java chip treat. I miss.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

:: learning to choose ::

The choices we make determines the paths we take. Whether or not it's aligned with God's will, the choice doesn't only lie with Him, but with us as well. Just got back from Leader's Summit on Tuesday. It was really awesome :) I don't have any pictures with me, but i certainly took a lot of memories and teachings back with me. I think every leader has something to share about what they caught from the leader's summit. I have my own too :)

Most of mine was learning to deal with my own fears and inadequacies. Of knowing that it's okay to go into something without knowing the basics. Without training. Despite doing it for months now, it still gets to me. And i guess i can safely say, that i'm *completely* over my inadequacies. Choosing to trust God to lead when the time comes :) I guess there's nothing more that He wants besides wanting us to lean on Him for strength and wisdom. Not by might, or power but by His spirit, yes? :)

Another thing i had to deal with was on dealing with my family. Getting involved with the Evening Service and well, basically, being a part of a movement to reach out to EVERY student in Malaysia and share the good news, well, i've known since the beginning that it's not just fun and games. It's gonna take commitment, hard work and most of all, giving the best that i can give out of all that i have. Which means, everything lah. I had to deal with just how much was i willing to give. And not only that, i had this hypocritical side of me that said, "You can't even save your family and you wanna save every student in Malaysia? Please-lah." Like, ouch.

Yes, my inadequacies. Insecurities. What-nots. Whatever you call it.

It took a lot out of me (losing sleep, etc), just having personal debates within myself. What with my being *grounded*, i was so very tempted to just let go...and haha, backslide as a certain person been claiming i have. Been on a low profile not attending ACTStream and all, didn't think anyone'd notice. Aaaaanyways, i'm rambling. The last worship session at leader's summit kinda broke all these thoughts. And i literally, broke free from just wanting to hold back from doing what i knew was right to do, and just giving God all my insecurities. All you peoples who have something to say regarding what i've been doing, say-lah what you want.

I don't really care anymore. God has placed something in my heart to build Him a great big house. And a great big house is what He's gonna get. Or at least, i'll do the best i can with the girls He's entrusted me to build, and just run with that assurance. I'm a home-grown ACTS-ter and proud of it. Not even the devil can change that fact. And i'm going to reproduce. (not biologically, of course, not yet anyway :P )

Take my life, and all that i have to give
Take my world, just inhabit all of it
Take my dreams, make me assuredly Yours.

Lord, i'm gonna trust Your timing. And that means not knowing how or when You are going to do something. I surrender my family and current situation to You. You know. I can only wait. When i grow weary of waiting, or if i find myself disappointed or discouraged, i'm going to choose to trust You. I'm going to choose not to trust myself or be self-dependent. I'm going to choose to know that You will be faithful in every situation in my life, whatever they may be. Lord, i'm going to choose giving You all that i have to give.

I thank You for the leaders and wonderful friends You've placed in my life, supporting and encouraging me when i need it most. Sometimes, when they don't even know they're doing so. I know it's You, Lord, constantly reminding me that i'm not alone. There are brothers and sisters suffering alongside with me. And i thank You, most of all, for Your amazing love. Always steady and unchanging, firm beneath my feet. Amen.

Thank you to you, you and you. Know that you're appreciated. Even if i don't say it to your face :)